i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
