Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
