The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
