amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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