The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
