Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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