Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
