So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
