Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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