I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
