I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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