WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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