apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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