somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
