life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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