last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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