I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
