I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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