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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
