Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
