I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
