I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Of course I have a pirate flag
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
