A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
