we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need to align my fucking chakras
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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