i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize