You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sorry about my life...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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