if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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