I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
