After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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