when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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