just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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