dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
they're like a gay fantastic four
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
