I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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