My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
