you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
