dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
