well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
