You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize