On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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