All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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