The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize