honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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