just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize