PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
