Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
