You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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