Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
