Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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