Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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