Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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