he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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