Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
