i jhust puked up my retainher.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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