I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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