Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
