My underwear smells like fireworks.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
COCAINE IS GR8
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
