My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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