Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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