dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When did angry sex become our thing?
whose parrot is this?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
