let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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