bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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