you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
