you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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