I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
