I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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