So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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