am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
