Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
