I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
