i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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